ineke.co.uk

To do list:
Dust off big coat
Get a cold
Fiddle with heating settings
Change duvet
Put fan back in wardrobe
Make soup
Find left glove

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) September 5, 2016

Before alarm clocks, people were employed to wake workers up with a long stick https://t.co/QMPIZDY8lr

— Metro (@MetroUK) September 5, 2016

"It's completely chemical-free"

*directs him to the Periodic Table*

#dragonsden

— Pinky Liverdrawer (@Liverdrawer) September 4, 2016

The #GreatFireOfLondon reaches Saint Paul's Cathedral https://t.co/lNqv7Ch2Zb #GreatFire350 #LondonsBurning pic.twitter.com/0ayhOgjqBb

— Royal Mail Stamps (@RoyalMailStamps) September 4, 2016

If olive oil is made from olives and peanut oil is made from peanuts, what do you suppose baby oil is made from? https://t.co/8ussjqNJXn

— aisling (@traisling) September 4, 2016

Err… Someone's not been following the news ! https://t.co/CgRa71ITIF

— Ed Balls (@edballs) September 4, 2016

How to raise a child… pic.twitter.com/E5rmSmj5Bi

— Dave (@davechannel) September 4, 2016

We can do no great things, only small things w/ great love.
It's not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it.#MotherTeresa

— Shane Claiborne (@ShaneClaiborne) September 4, 2016

"You only had to ask Tess" @ClaudiaWinkle @TessDaly #Strictly pic.twitter.com/3gYICk6UCD

— BBC Strictly ✨ (@bbcstrictly) September 3, 2016

Had an informative trip 2 Tesco today thanks to @innocent had to tell my own guineas they're above their station! 😂 pic.twitter.com/cJFVDBbVii

— Christine Forrest 🐀 (@wle312) September 3, 2016

Things native English speakers know, but don't know we know: pic.twitter.com/Ex0Ui9oBSL

— Matthew Anderson (@MattAndersonNYT) September 3, 2016

Another vehicle being dealt with for "hogging the middle lane" which is an offence of driving without due care. pic.twitter.com/sdFdQeMYl2

— Roads Policing – Surrey Police – UK (@SurreyRoadCops) September 5, 2016

Despite a commitment from government four months ago, NONE of the eligible child refugees have arrived in UK https://t.co/osXhIAittK

— Candice Atterton (@CandiceAtterton) September 6, 2016

.@TwopTwips help Apple pay their massive Euro tax bill by paying £160 for some earphones.

— Christian Edwards 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 (@christianedward) September 7, 2016

abbiamo il primo vincitore del #AppleEvent #AirPods pic.twitter.com/jec08lRLVW

— simone (@zagher) September 7, 2016

The new Orange Yorkie tastes just like a Chocolate Orange, only it's a little Terrier.

— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) September 8, 2016

Apple launches new phone with no headphone jack, making it ideal for enjoying the free U2 album.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) September 8, 2016

Expecting a call, meaning the rest of the day's plans are cancelled until it occurs

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) September 8, 2016

VAL WON THE TECHNICAL CHALLENGE. BANK HOLIDAY TOMORROW FOR EVERYONE #GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 7, 2016

Finally, it's here…#AppleEvent pic.twitter.com/srnCKN09Iu

— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 7, 2016

"Can you put it in an email?" – Translation: Can you stop talking please?

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) September 7, 2016

Weather update: grey and warm. Like the weather equivalent of a seal.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 7, 2016

Summer's not over till we say it is.

Great Britain & Northern Ireland, your Paralympians are ready. #Supercharge pic.twitter.com/joLm9or9nm

— ParalympicsGB (@ParalympicsGB) September 7, 2016

Someone made a map of the world according to Donald Trump https://t.co/AOWG9aTVhZ pic.twitter.com/fjKWhq4uQj

— The Independent (@Independent) September 6, 2016

Funeral story of the weekhttps://t.co/ti6EzRk4wV pic.twitter.com/deaCsmjGjg

— The Poke (@ThePoke) September 8, 2016

You can now get Nerdwax to stop your glasses from slipping down your nose https://t.co/JMIebF30On

— Metro (@MetroUK) September 9, 2016

Full checklist for Tories' Project Back To The Good Old Days revealed. pic.twitter.com/epVcGFdgib

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) September 9, 2016

Jane' on how it was growing up in poverty. "The walls of poverty are so high you don't expect anything else. You don't see possibilities."

— Compassion UK (@compassionuk) September 9, 2016